ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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