Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
no, he came in my armpit
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
