we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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