I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
