I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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