the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
