That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She told me I should be a condom model.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
