I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We just shotgunned beers for America
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
don't judge my taste in strippers
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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