Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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