Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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