so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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