im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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