I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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