meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
