R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
50% drunk capacity currently
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
