Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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