Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
