I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
