I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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