My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
