so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
