Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
