I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
