Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize