omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
