I'd wear matching sweaters with you
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This house was built for laser tag.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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