Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
