In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
