It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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