So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize