its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Pants are for mortals
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
