Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize