I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
