we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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