There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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