I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
