So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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