Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
