He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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