I love black thongs
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
