I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
