Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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