my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
