His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
