Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
