shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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