i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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