Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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