All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
