i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
