I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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