she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
