I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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