OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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