We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Randomize
