I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
