So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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