i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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