I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
