she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
