For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
