he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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