Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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