I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
