I can tuck mytits in my pants
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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