Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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