This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
