wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
