If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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