ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My dick has a subreddit
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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