I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
